We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
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