Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
