I hate your face
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
