Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
