I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
