he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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