I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
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