I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
