You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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