mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Randomize
