I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
