After last night, I could never be a politician.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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