There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
