.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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