Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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