Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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