it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Randomize
