I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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