i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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