No stitches, just platelets and will power
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
where are my eyebrows?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
