Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
