Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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