Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Be still, my beating vagina.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
