i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
