I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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