Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
it's like iHOP with fire
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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