Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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