it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
