Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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