i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
