Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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