So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
