My sheets look like a crime scene.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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