Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
