i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
