Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
