I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Shame - the story of my life.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
