singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
is wine microwaveable?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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