Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
