I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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