i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
