he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
