We're facebook friends in real life
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
