yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
