I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
