You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
