So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
