Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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