I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
