A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
