She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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