She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
