If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
