Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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