omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
