Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
