she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
