She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
