Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
