I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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