I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
