he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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