All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Just high enough for therapy.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Randomize
