she kept yelling 'call me bella'
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
