Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
