Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
