i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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