I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
