Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
