dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
