3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
