you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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