so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
