if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
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