I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
