There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
