The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
