I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Randomize