woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Randomize
