sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
