I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize