Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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