Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
