I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
