I'm laying in your front yard are you home
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
