Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
