I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
