Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
