i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
