u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
