Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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