Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
