we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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