If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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