Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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