A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
