"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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