I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Randomize