I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
