i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
